I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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