i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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