I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
