that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just forgot I was standing up.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
