Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
