the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
