we made out on top of his cat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
