Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
