Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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