I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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