I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
