So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
