6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
