: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
