She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
