I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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