It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
