I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize