So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I forgot wine drunk hurts
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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