bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Blood and glitter go together right?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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