At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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