I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
