their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My dick has a subreddit
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
