I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
