dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
