Life is so much better after having sex.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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