You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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