too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
