it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
