the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
