All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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