I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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