Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
