drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
