Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
