I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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