i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There r osticjed everywhere
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
