I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
