I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
