I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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