If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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