Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize