What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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