I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
