She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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