So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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