Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
