I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
