well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
