My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
