he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
