im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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