Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
