life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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