a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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