fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
where does the pee come out of this thing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
