Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
