Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
