I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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