There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize