look no pants
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
