Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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