the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
