Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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