Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so let's talk penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
