Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize